Tired

It's the New Year!

Big whopping do-da.

That's right, I'm not always a rainbow and blue skies girl.  I don't always feel happy and smile every moment of every day.  I am not always a God spinner, sweeping in to optimistically proclaim a negative circumstance to be a stepping stone to a greater plan He has.  I do become weary.

This is me.

Sometimes.

Definitely today.

Not always. 

And definitely not for indefinite.

Never is.

Today though, yes. 

And maybe tomorrow too.  Depends on how good of sleep I can get through this head cold.  Sleep is an important factor in the emotional perspective.  It was not by coincidental chance Satan came to Jesus in His tired, hungry frame to tempt Him.  In the weak moments we humans are quick to fail. 

It's the raw moments.  And it's always in these moments when looking on them from an easier time that I do see God was carrying us.  He did always have plans.  The valley was even part of that plan. To trust that before those plans come to be.  He has proven Himself time and time again.  Enough to hush the doubt that says "but maybe this time He won't".  He will.

Sometimes, when every fiber of my being is exhausted beyond measure, and the cross I carry feels too much, and I think about begging for it to be cut down, I remember the story of the man that kept asking God for that and God answered but when the time came to use that cross to bridge a gap on the journey later on but the cross was too short, the failure was at its largest. 

The cross and the valleys we travel are needed for what will be up ahead.  The story of Joseph in the Bible is my favorite for that reason.  It's a reason to keep our perspective, our eye on the mark, and forge ahead with gratitude and belief.  When it's hard to be grateful for what's in the present to be grateful for what lies ahead.  Because in Christ there is always blessings to come. 

Today I am weary.  Today I am tired.  God shut a door.  I had wished that door to be the one, showing we had arrived to a fork, beginning a journey on a brighter road.  A place to build a settled life, and prepare as our family soon welcomes another baby in three months.  I am pain-stricken tired.  But not in despair.  I resume my spot to sit quietly by the road waiting on His whisper.  I do know He has plans.  Today I feel tired of waiting for those plans and I am in need of giving those tired feeling a hug before I send them on their way and wait with a more grateful heart than what I could give today.